The Product

In the vast reaches of the Amazon Database, there lies an infamous record known as the Parent Child Testing Product, renamed the Nova Dress in recent years. You could purchase it for approximately $10,000, and then it disappeared off the market forever (the page for it is still up). It inspired many funny reviews imagining what it could be. Though they say it's just someone testing parent and child products, I know better, and I believe I have perhaps figured out what it really is.

There's a man who has been living for thousands of years and will never die. He came into existence without any mom or dad. That man is Melchizedek, priest-king of Salem, and in whose priesthood Jesus Christ resides. Under Satan, ALL world governments have been desperately hiding the existence of this man and enacting measures to oppress others like him who might come out of the hand of יהוה, for they are proof that He is out there and He can do anything He wants — though there's no doubt for anyone who thinks.

From what I can gather, the purpose of what was formerly named the Parent Child Testing Product is to determine if a person is the child of parents or not and it's NOT a DNA test. The Product will only achieve its true purpose for those whom יהוה smiles upon. For the majority of people, it appears to be a mere cheap little plastic figurine of a pretty odd-looking character from Chinese Power Rangers. There are no satanic rituals nor "Eldritch horrors" involved, obviously, contrary to what some reviewers have imagined — perhaps due to the horns and red fly-like eyes on the little dude.

I don't know how and why the Product ended up on Amazon a decade ago and the method it uses to prove that someone came from יהוה. But I'm sure it will be revealed in time. Perhaps the name change is due to the impending rise of another Melchizedek.

It saddens me that the Product has to exist in the first place. No matter how much you lie, lie, lie, and how hard you try to give proof for those lies, the universe's best supercomputer, not even a single component of it, can ever come into existence without someone to put it together, no matter how weird the weather is, no matter how long you've got. But you sure can get a lot of people to believe it as long as it comes out of the mouth of people who seem smart and educated enough, and make anyone who actually, actively, truly uses that supercomputer, known as the human brain, seem retarded, insane, and backwards.

Reader, you have it in your skull. Please, use it if you're not already doing so, before it's too late.